Life Matters; a space where you can muse along with life coach Pamela Weatherill about the things that really matter.

Refreshing Friendships

by Pamela Weatherill

I met my oldest friend in Miss McClennan’s Maths class when we were both still wearing our hair in pigtails.  I hated Maths, she hated English, and a friendship grew out of our differences.

The history of our friendship is argument free, despite these differences.

It is a space where non-judgemental support, laughter and seemingly endless conversations about everything (and nothing) are habit.  Rarely have we been in the same life phase simultaneously, yet the friendship has survived decades while other friendships have come and gone.

Some experts claim we exchange the majority of our friends every ten years – making room for new ones and letting others go by the way.

Sometimes we cast off friendships when we no longer have anything in common, or the friendship is toxic. But what about those friendships that just kind of fade away?  The ones that were valuable, but somehow life just got busy?

Unless one of you makes a super effort to catch up again, or you have a chance meeting, these friendships become casualties of the changes in our lives.   Before we know it, we are missing a valuable friend and all the memories that only they share with us.

When I think of some of the friendships I have let drift in my life, clear patterns emerge.

Some friendships were lost against the battle of distance, or were lost around life changes like divorce, career change or child rearing.  But there are equally strong patterns around the friendships that we maintain as well.

Friendships are the sum total of the effort both parties put in.  True friendships are valuable.  They matter.

The base elements required to maintain friendships include:

• remembering birthdays and anniversaries (including those of partners and children)
• keeping promises and secrets
• being non-judgemental
• accepting difference
• being encouraging and forgiving.

Friendships are important to our health, our sense of self and our support networks, yet maintaining friendships is sometimes hard work.  Sometimes it means putting your own needs second – like when a friend has a 2am emergency.  It also means not letting their importance be invisible to us – or to them.

I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed (and maybe even needed) helping out my best friend in her catering kitchen so I could see her on the weekends - until she moved overseas and communication was relegated to telephone and email.

What do you take for granted in your friendships?  What would you miss if it was no longer a part of your life?

By refreshing friendships through life’s changes and celebrating differences, friendships have a chance to last the distance. A nd I for one am hoping my dearest friend is around for a long time in that position… I mean who else would remember my tacky taste in hair accessories or her crush on Daryl Braithwaite? 

Things you can do to re-fresh your friendships:

• Find quotes on friendship and send one in a card to a friend you haven’t seen for awhile.
• Schedule a phone call to a friend overseas or interstate.  Have some old favourite music playing and both settle back for an hour’s chat about the little things, with a glass of your favourite red in hand.
• Give a hand-made voucher to a friend offering to help with something they aren’t looking forward to – like clearing out the pantry cupboard or wardrobe.
• Have a Friendship Afternoon High Tea.  Invite two or three close friends to bring along another friend of theirs that you haven’t yet met.  Ask everyone to come with a story to share about their friend that no one else knows.  Make some new friends while getting to know your old ones even better.
• Make some improvements to your favourite cake recipe and invite a friend around to try it.   Name it after her and give her the recipe hand written on stunning stationery.
• Make up a short video ‘from home’ to send to a friend overseas or interstate.
• Book a 24 hour date.   An afternoon shopping in the city, followed by a hotel stay with day spa, poolside lazing and room service included.

“True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.”

Charles Caleb Colton

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