Sexuality

This is a topic that does not directly affect most readers in a personal way but may well be of interest with regard to friends or relatives. For those few individuals who are directly affected this article may well be a lifeline.

I imagine that most heterosexual people do not even give a second thought to sexuality as an issue and blithely go about their lives as ‘normal’ people.

I also realise that some heterosexual people have a homosexual family member or friend who is not always fully included in their circle.  

All too often homosexual family members are either given tacit approval or are completely rejected.

Have you ever really given thought to the fact that obviously homosexual people are rarely successful and that successful people who happen to be homosexual usually hide that part of their lives?  When is the last time you saw someone in the public arena (or anyone come to think of it) proudly chaperoning their same sex partner to a function? How often do we see publications full of pictures of heterosexual couples at functions?

Sexuality is often a point of much speculation with those in the public eye, particularly entertainers and sports stars. Although sexuality is a personal matter it is never the less an important part of one's life. One only has to turn the pages of most magazines to realize that life is only really complete once one has captured the attention of that special man and gone on to have children amid the praise and support of a loving family. Incidentally I find that Flourish is a refreshing change to this usual format.

I have never really encountered problems with being a lesbian in the wider community although I have to admit that I have often felt out of place. Although I can relate very well to most people something is usually not quite right.  When among straight women I feel somehow out of place but I realize that this feeling is partly a result of internalised homophobic conditioning and partly simply not having similar interests.

Most other lesbians would know what I mean.

This feeling vanishes at annual events like Pride Fair day and the Pride parade however, as I feel right at home and far more confident among like minded people.  I get the feeling that this is what it must be like to be heterosexual and living in an authentic and supportive environment in which one’s sexuality is taken for granted.

Maybe somewhere in the future, sexuality will be a non issue and more people will be able to express themselves however they wish, without feeling like an outsider. In order for this utopian ideal to become a reality, sexuality in general would have to be either, far less invasive in our lives, or far more balanced.

Just think for a moment, how much of our entertainment and advertising is fuelled by straight sexuality?

One would have to be blind to miss the constant bombardment of sexual imagery used to promote just about everything we see or use. Little wonder that there is an epidemic of eating disorders among young people, but that is a whole different story.

Can you imagine how things would be different if even ten percent, because that is supposedly how much of the population is queer, of our main stream advertising and films were aimed directly at homosexuals?

I live in hope of seeing main stream media advertising depicting a gay or lesbian couple living in domestic bliss enjoying the latest breakfast cereal, or cuddled up on a couch discussing their home insurance. Maybe a gay boy on a billboard advertising razors or a lesbian advertising tampons, after all we do use and pay for these things as well and we bleed too. How about Hollywood studios making gay and lesbian films with real life gay and lesbian actors (who are out of the closet) on a regular basis?

Just imagine a film with Ellen De Generes and Portia De Rosi playing opposite each other as Brad and Angelina have done. If these changes were to take place then surely, not only we would have a far greater feeling of belonging in society but greater exposure would lead to better understanding.

As things stand the gay community is usually depicted in the main stream media when the Sydney Mardi Gras takes place and then the cameras zoom in on the overtly effeminate men and the butch girls or those dressed in skimpy leather. The vast majority of us are so conventional that we simply melt into the audience.

Conversely with the amount of straight sexuality being constantly thrust (pardon the pun) upon us anyone who is not straight or not sure has to either duck for cover and live a lie, or be brave enough to seek out a point of contact within the queer community, all too often in isolation.

I have been 'out' since I was eighteen and lucky enough to have had a straight male companion who cared enough about me to make the effort to find, and then take me to the C.A.M.P. club all those years ago. For those wondering, C.A.M.P. stands for Campaign Against Moral Persecution. Had it not been for Johnny I have no idea for how long I would have lived in misery away from my people. There are indeed some fine men in the world. Johnny, I am eternally grateful for your sacrifice, your compassion and caring.

For the majority of the thousands of young people questioning their sexuality, no such knight in shining armor exists. These vulnerable young people all too often seek out our community alone, try and live a straight life or - and we will never know just how many, suicide. For these reasons we simply cannot forget the need for ongoing support for organisations such as the Gay and Lesbian Counseling Service and the Freedom Centre. Thanks to the dedication of a handful of wonderful volunteers these services offer a safe haven with all the information and support required for those in need.

I am constantly amazed at the number of middle aged women finally finding the courage to admit their true sexuality and join the lesbian community, usually after having raised their children. There are, of course many married men and women who have a homosexual relationship on the side and the beats make it all too easy for ‘straight’ men to indulge in gay sex then go home to their families. We will never know just how many people have opted to live a ‘straight’ life just because it is the accepted and traditional thing to do.

I wonder just how many people would come out of the closet and how much strain would disappear from people’s lives if we could all be authentic with our sexuality devoid of recriminations?

For support contact the Gay and Lesbian Counseling Service at http://www.glcs.org.au/ and 08 9486 9855.  Visit WA website http://www.outinperth.com/ with Out in Perth also available in print as a free paper at selected venues. 

Flourishnote: What are your thoughts and experiences? Please share in the comments box below.

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